The past two days at my NYU Wagner internship have been fairly slow. I worked on organizing another binder, and looking through the alumni site to see how it can be improved. Both days I was allowed to leave early.

Monday, a friend was supposed to come to NY to visit for the week but I couldn’t get a hold of her all day. Finally, I wrote to her and she told me about her horrible day… Apparently the airline didn’t have record of her passenger status and credit card was declined!? Wow, that’s too bad-- Sad that I won’t be able to see her. So, I just chilled at Bryant Park reading the paper and went back to my place early, watching “Friends.”

Tuesday turned out to be a pretty good day. Wasn’t a lot for me to do, so in the afternoon when KV came in, we went out to get some food. Found this cute place called Bite and I ordered the curry tuna with leafy greens, raisins and baby carrots and homemade lemonaide for only $1 more! Mmm, delicious! Chatted online, then talked with MH and she said I could leave early. There will probably be more to do next week because my other supervisor will be back (from China, as well!) by then.

So, decided to head over to Macy’s on where else but 34th St. Flitted around the makeup, purse, fragrance sections and got people to put makeup on me, as well as compliments about my good skin and lidded eyes. Liked the mascara and lip gloss but wasn’t compelled to buy anything. Went upstairs and tried on tons of outfits: Dresses and pretty skirts with hot pinky tops. Colors: Green/white/black; red; hot pink (so beautiful!); light orangey colors; black; black and dark blue; tight fitting faded black denim skirts. Brands: Michael Kors, Alfani, Nine West, Calvin Klein etc. Everything was around $100 or above; not in my price range. Still had fun trying them on!

Next stop was H&M where I had much better luck, price-wise. I found a gorgeous pale blue aqua-type spaghetti strap dress on sale. Also, a purple one with white and light blue spots. Still kind of debating whether to keep it though.

Took a break from my hours of shopping and had the rest of my sandwich. Also got myself a shish kebab beef with BBQ sauce, stuck between a hot dog bun. It was decent, and the price was nice at $3.50 (instead of 5 bucks at Madison Square Garden, and without the bun!)

So, after eating, was just relaxing at Herald Square and called EC to talk about you know who and how much I want to call him. All my friends have been telling me to not call him, and so far I’ve been listening. Something that KS said really true: “I’m sure he misses you. He was just too damn busy to make it work.” I know everyone says if you really want something, you’ll make time blah blah blah, but to his credit, he really is bombarded non-stop with work, personal clients, new clients, family. And that’s the only way he’ll have it for now. Then, when he’s not doing all that, he just likes to relax, and not necessarily go out and be with people all the time; people like me, which is all I ask.

I did a little more shopping which took my mind off things. Was at Forever 21 and tried on a tight leopard print dress, a pretty corset-y black tulle one and a few others. I picked the royal blue dress -- Casual and cute.

Afterwards, I stopped by Neutral Ground because it was on my way to the Bryant Park Subway Station… Just wanted to see if DS (and/or MS) was there. Both weren’t, but I called DS and had a good discussion about my day and about wanting to call MS. It was really good to talk with DS because he knows MS and convinced me that it’s really not that complicated and MS probably isn’t thinking that it’s his turn to call etc etc.

I pretty much knew that I would call him tonight, and finally worked up the nerve. It was fine talking to him. As usual, easy to joke around with and everything. After a bit, he asked if he could call me back but I was still in the city and about to head back to Queens so told him I’d call when I get there. When I did, it rang once then went to voicemail so I hung up. He called back a second later, saying “And you hung up on me.“ LoL. So he was telling me about Atlanta and he was just not sounding happy about it so when I mentioned that, he replied “I don’t really get excited about things. I’m not all dramatic.” Oh yea. Pure opposites. After not too long, he says “Hey, can I call you in a little bit?” Of course. Though I’m pretty sure he won’t call back tonight (and I‘m right), because he always does this. I mean, really, what the fuck is he doing at this hour that he can’t talk on the phone?

That’s when I realized, it would have never worked out at this point in our lives. I think these past couple of weeks, I was holding onto the possibility of it not being over and done, if I could just talk to him, level with him, prove to him I'm not needy. But that's just not me. And I'm glad he ended it before I was (even) more deeply invested in him, because I could never get used to the fact (and would always feel frustrated) that he constantly is too busy to talk, that he doesn’t make me a priority, that he doesn’t have time for me, that he‘s acting his age… The suggestion I’ve gotten is to go older. Sure, easy for you all to say! It’s not like I’m not out and about all the time, it’s not like I don’t go out and meet new people, but obviously a relationship isn’t going to just fall in my lap (though that does happen) and right now I don’t even know exactly what I want. Can’t I just have some fun and enjoy people’s company? Can’t I just kiss a guy without it being labeled as anything? Can’t I…

Well, I just had this lovely one-hour conversation with AS (who is supposed to visit me in NY soon) and as always, it’s so awesome to talk with her. We always have so much to say and we’re both crazy in love with life and having fun. We have many of the same interests and thoughts on relationships and so on. Also, she can usually make me feel better about whatever’s going on.